Conflicts are unavoidable, whether with friends, family or colleagues. When arguments break out, how do you react? Knowing one's argumentative style is the key to productive conflict resolution.
1. The Fighter
The fighter wants to win, plain and simple. While the fighter's tenacity and aggression can be useful in high-stakes scenarios, it can also harm more than it helps by ruining relationships and creating unnecessary friction. A fighter needs to learn when to walk away. If you're too angry, you may say something you regret. Take some time to calm down before having a discussion.1
2. The Runner
The runner is the opposite of the fighter. They avoid confrontation, even at the cost of their personal interests. Don't be afraid to have your say. If you get into an argument, don't be afraid to be honest. Pretending you aren't upset will send the wrong signals to the opposing party. Clearly express what has led to the conflict and how you feel about it.2
3. The Defender
Not all arguments are personal, but most feel personal. Learn to separate the arguments from the people involved to avoid an overly emotional and defensive reaction.3 Avoid words like "stupid" or "idiot", and focus on the issues. Personal attacks won't solve the problem.
4. The Thinkers
Thinkers wield their excellent memories and formidable intellects in arguments. While it doesn't hurt to be the smartest person in the room, remember those intellectual arguments won't win everyone over. It's also unproductive to overthink things. Focus on the problems that have a feasible and simple solution, rather than abstract issues out of everyone's control.
Sources
- Cool down. Anger and how to deal with it. Mental Health Foundation. Visited 3 May 2016.
- Why do I get angry? Mind. Visited 3 May 2016.
- What can I do to manage my anger? Mind. Visited 3 May 2016.